


Koho Pololei

by mohinikapuahi



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Coda, F/M, M/M, s02e16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-25
Updated: 2012-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-31 17:30:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/346626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mohinikapuahi/pseuds/mohinikapuahi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes casual isn't all it's cracked up to be, but it's better than nothing at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Koho Pololei

The final minutes between the plane coming to a stop and the doors opening always seem to last forever. Steve scrubbed a hand over his face trying to wipe away the exhaustion, and tried not to notice that the hand was trembling. He might have been lying to both Danny and Cath when he had told them he was fit for duty, but he had needed to do this. The work had been physically tiring, but it had been satisfying to be back to what he had really been trained for, back to a time when all he had to do was follow orders and execute them to the best of his ability. It had given him the mental break he needed, if not the physical rest.

This past year had been hard. If he was completely honest with himself, the last two years had driven him to the end of his physical and emotional tether -- he was emotionally wrung out and physically tired and sore. He lurched from case to case, from injury to injury, never giving himself time to heal completely before being beaten all to hell again. He was the first to admit that he had been walking a knife edge between sanity and a complete breakdown. The time on board the _USS Enterprise_ had been well spent in that regard. He had made some hard decisions, but he was sure they were the right ones.

As the door swung open and he stepped into his beloved Hawaiian sunshine, he couldn’t help the smile that curved his lips when he saw Danny waiting for him over by the buildings -- he hadn’t realised just how much he had missed his partner until that moment. The sunshine shone off Danny's blond hair like a halo as he leaned against the Camaro’s fender, his legs crossed at the ankles, one hand stuffed in his pocket as he held his phone to his ear with the other. Steve could tell he was talking to Gracie -- he couldn’t hear his voice from the steps, of course, but the soft expression on Danny’s face told him everything he needed to know.

He hoisted his duffel bag onto his shoulder, trying and failing to hide the wince as the weight shift caught his ribs, and strode down the steps to the tarmac. His long legs ate up the distance between himself and Danny in under a minute. Dropping his bag beside his feet, he relaxed against the warm metal of the fender, close enough to Danny that he could feel the heat from his body, and when he folded his arms across his own chest, wincing a little as his forearm pressed against his aching ribs, his elbow brushed against Danny’s arm.

He waited as Danny finished his phone call with Grace, listening absently to his voice soft with love and affection for his daughter. Closing his eyes, he let the warmth of the sunshine lull him, his thoughts drifting slowly content to let Danny’s voice wash over him like a soothing balm that made everything better.

“Good flight?” Danny’s tone never changed, the question taking long moments to register in Steve’s mind.

“Long.” Steve answered, his voice hoarse from the plane's dry air.

“How’s Catherine?” Danny asked softly.

“She’s good. How’s Gabby?” Steve responded quietly, his eyes slowly scanning the airfield activity in front of them.

“Same.” Danny nodded, and if he leaned imperceptibly towards Steve so that their shoulders bumped, neither of them acknowledged it. 

“Did you find the envelope I left?” Steve pressed his hands into the pockets of his BDUs, tensing slightly as he waited for the response.

“I did, and the note, thanks.” Danny nodded, rubbing his shoulder against Steve’s. “I thought Weston won them.”

“She did but I ended up with them.” Steve shrugged, his arm brushing against Danny as he did, and he let the tension he had felt bleed off of him.

“How are the ribs?” Danny asked.

“Good as new.” Steve said, trying to sound confident. He knew it wouldn't fool Danny.

It didn't. “I call bullshit. You think I didn’t see that wince but I did. Want to go home?” Danny stood up, slipping his hand into his pockets and pulling out the car keys.

“Thought you’d never ask.” Steve held out his hands for the keys, but Danny ducked him and walked around to the driver’s door.

“Not a chance, babe.” Danny smiled, pressing a button on the key and listening to the trunk open. “Bag in the trunk, soldier.”

Steve sighed, but smiled as the familiar joke made him feel at home. “Sailor, D, Sailor” 

After stowing his bag in the trunk, he would have slid into the passenger seat, but his attention was caught by a heart-shaped box of candy and a single, slightly wilted red rose sitting on top.

“Are you expecting Gabby?” he asked.

“If you're going to mock me you can ride in the trunk, Rambo.” Danny growled. “Flowers and candy are an acceptable gift, remember?”

“Did you buy it when I left?” Steve lifted the box and its decoration from the seat and slid painfully in.

“No, smartass.” Danny sighed dramatically. “But your flight was delayed and it’s been sitting here in the sun waiting for you for the last hour.”

“Thanks, D.” Steve leaned his head against the head rest, letting his eyes close wearily, his fingers closed possessively around the edges of the candy box, trying not to tilt it. The chocolate would probably be liquid by now.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Danny glanced out of the windscreen before he reached over and rested his hand on Steve’s thigh.

“I’m fine, Danny, just tired.” He wasn't sure if it was Danny's hand or the Hawaiian sunshine, but the warmth was relaxing him. For those few seconds he could feel the tension dissipating like morning fog.

“One trip home, coming right up.” Danny turned the key in the ignition and the Camaro’s engine purred into life.

They drove in silence for a while. Steve relaxed into the seat trusting Danny to handle the car smoothly through the peak-hour traffic towards his house.

As they made their way east, he felt some of his tension returning. He hadn't slept much the previous night; he hadn't adjusted well to the shipboard food (if you could call it food) and he still had residual injuries from their last couple of cases. The plane ride had been long and tedious, and he hadn't drunk as much water as he should have. He knew he looked like shit. He knew Danny knew it too - he could feel that concerned gaze lingering on him when they stopped at traffic lights. He always knew when Danny was looking at him, as if his look was as substantial as the touch of his fingers. It was all Steve could do to keep his eyes closed, suffering his partner's scrutiny in silence. If Danny noticed his eyelids twitching as he struggled to maintain his cover, he never said anything.

“Hey, Danny?” Steve’s hoarse voice was loud in the silence of the car.

“Jesus, Steven. Don’t do that to me.” Danny glanced over at him, reaching to brush his fingers against the back of Steve’s hand that still gripped the candy.

“How long are we going to do this casual, non-exclusive thing?"

“What the fuck, Steven?” Danny gaped at him for a moment, then pulled the car out of the traffic onto the shoulder. He turned in his seat to look at Steve. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

“I need to know, Danny.” Steve’s eyes flicked open, his gaze intently fixed on Danny’s face.

“Why? What brought this on?”

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, D.” Steve whispered. “I thought I could but I can’t.”

Steve watched Danny watching him. He couldn’t relax, but at the same time he couldn’t admit to the rush of affection that had filled his heart when he had seen the corny gift that Danny had clearly meant as a joke. Wilted and melting, it didn’t matter, it was the first 'couple' gesture Danny had made and Steve would cling to that. Tightly. So he watched Danny as Danny watched his thumb tracing the outer petals of the rose and his other hand gripped the edge of the candy box crushing the fragile cardboard. And at that very moment he realised that it didn’t matter to him what Danny read into his actions. He was done hiding.

Danny sat in uncharacteristic silence for a long moment, never taking his eyes from Steve’s. Steve knew he was searching, looking for something, anything that would tell him what was going on in Steve’s head. _Good luck with that,_ he thought, _I’m in there and I barely understand._

Danny's response jolted him out of his almost-trance. “Alright then, I’ll pack my things when we get there. I’ll bunk with Kono until I find somewhere else.”

“Wait?” He sat bolt upright in his seat, the flower and chocolates falling unnoticed to the floor. “That’s not what I want.” How could Danny think he wanted him to move out?

“It’s what you just said.” Danny responded.

“That’s not what I said.” He shook his head, perplexed, his mind running through the conversation.

“You said you can’t do this anymore.” Danny waved his hand in the space between them. “You’ve just spent a week with her. I get it really I do. That’s okay. No big deal right?” he shrugged, then turned in his seat and started the car, glancing in the rear view mirror to check the traffic before he pulled out onto the road again.

Steve slumped back into the seat, confused. He wished his brain wasn't quite so mushy, because he really needed to work out why Danny had reacted the way he did. From the corner of his eye, he saw Danny's rigid posture, the tight set to his lips and the white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, and decided against further conversation while they were driving. He resorted to pushing the candy box with the toe of his combat boots to pass the time.

When they pulled into Steve’s driveway, he turned his head on the headrest. "I’m sorry," he started.

Danny cut him off. “No, you’re right. We shouldn’t have started this to begin with. It was stupid; just an itch we really shouldn’t have scratched. Besides you’ve got Catherine; I’ve got Gabby. We should just be happy with that.”

“That’s not what I meant, D.” Steve sighed

“But it’s for the best. C’mon.” Danny opened the car door, climbing out before poking his head back in the opening. “I’m thirsty. One beer then I’m packing my shit and I’m out of here.”

Steve dropped his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes against the sunshine and the vision of Danny walking away from him.

He liked the time he spent with Danny. He liked working with him. He liked having him around. He could count on Danny to listen to him and give him a no bullshit assessment of whatever situation they were facing. Danny was not just a friend and a confidant; he'd become a part of him. Together, they functioned like a machine -- a very noisy, creaky machine, sure, but they moved as one; a perfectly synchronous unit. It was good, he didn’t want to stop it, but now, it seemed, he’d fucked it all up.

They shouldn’t have acted on the attraction they had. He knew that. He should have kept his dick in his pants and his hands to himself. He should have been the team leader he was supposed to be and kept things strictly professional with a side order of friendship. He still couldn’t understand why he had gone against his personal code of conduct, but then things were always like that with Danny and had been from the start. From the moment they'd met -- the moment Danny had drawn on him in the garage -- there had been the pull of attraction between them; a chemistry that Steve had tried his hardest to ignore, but his best efforts hadn’t been nearly good enough.

‘Want one for the road?” Danny’s voice cut into his reverie. Opening his eyes he saw Danny leaning against the door jamb, two Longboards in one hand. He'd loosened his tie and undone the three top buttons of his shirt, revealing the springy whorls of golden hair. To the casual observer, Danny was asking if Steve wanted a beer. But in their own language -- a subtle blend of words, gestures and glances -- so much more than beer was being offered.

Caught in the grip of a sudden flare of anger -- though whether he was angry with Danny or himself or just life in general he didn't know -- he flung the door open and climbed out of the car, ignoring the twinge of pain at his movements. Grabbing a beer as Danny lifted it into range, he pushed past, trying his best not to physically touch him, and walked through the house, straight through the lanai doors, not stopping until he reached the short strip of beach.

He stood by the water and wished he had taken the time to strip the laces from his combat boots so he could bare his feet in the sand. He wriggled his toes inside his boots anyway, as he twisted the cap and took a long pull from the bottle. He heard Danny approach and, steeling himself for a fight, fixed his eyes on the horizon. 

But Danny, it appeared, wasn't looking for a fight. “You never told me. How did you come by the UH tickets?” Danny asked. 

Steve watched from the corner of his eye as Danny's his lips closed around the neck of his bottle. “Lori gave them to me as a Valentines gift.” He shrugged. “She said she couldn’t use them anyway because she was leaving.”

“You’re a cheap date,” Danny snickered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve turned to face his partner.

Danny shrugged and took another drink. “You had two of us on the string, and you got away with drugstore candy and re-gifting.”

“What’s your problem, Danny?”

"No problem.” Danny put his empty bottle down and pushed his hands into his pockets. “I’ll fix you up for the dinner before I go home too.”

“Did Gabby like the restaurant?” Steve asked softly, his gaze returning to the ocean.

“Seemed to, it was a nice place. I didn’t even know it existed. It’s a shame Cath missed out; she would have liked it.”

“She didn’t miss out.” Steve murmured.

“Of course she didn’t, she got you for a week.” Danny groused.

“Sure she did.” Steve couldn’t keep the snarky edge from his voice. “After the flight there we barely said more than a dozen words a day. I was on reserve training, Danny, not a fucking Mediterranean cruise.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything, it’s not like we had anything special.” Danny’s voice was soft.

“No.” Steve responded, his voice soft and wistful. “I guess we didn’t.”

“Have you taken her there before?” Danny asked.

“Nope. Never been to The House Without a Key.” Steve responded, giving short succinct answers refusing to respond to Danny’s fishing.

“How’d you know about it?”

“For fuck's Sake.” Steve turned to look at Danny, “What’s with the interrogation? I wanted Valentine’s Day to be special, so I did some research, found a restaurant with food I knew would be good, that had better than kitschy Aloha entertainment. Somewhere that had all the best parts of my home but wasn’t in your face Hawaiian. Somewhere that served the right brand of beer. I had a checklist. If I'd been here, there would have been special after dinner activities too.”

“She’s a lucky girl.” Danny seemed to mull over Steve’s words and nodded his head in consideration.

Steve took a deep breath, it was time to put his cards on the table and hope for the best. “That’s good, because it wasn’t for her.” With that, he turned on his heel and stalked back into the house.

He got as far as the sofa before giving in. He sat and loosened the laces of his boots, pulling them off and leaving them tidily beside the sofa. He wriggled his bare toes against the cool red wood of the floorboards, wondering how it was that his feet could feel so good just by taking them out of boots. 

He got another beer from the icebox and moved back through to the living room, facing the road. His tired eyes followed the occasional car as it passed while he sipped slowly at the beer. He could hear Danny moving around behind him, dropping the two empty bottles into the recycling bin, opening the icebox and pulling out a beer -- no, two beers; he heard the clink as they touched. He couldn’t decide if Danny was as nervous as him or just trying to drag out his misery, but then Danny walked into the room and he heard the hiss as the top came off the bottle. He felt Danny's eyes boring into his back and straightened his spine. “What, Danny?” He couldn’t hide the exasperation in his voice.

“You did that for us, didn’t you?” Danny stated.

“Apparently I did that for you.” he answered obliquely.

“You didn’t ask me if I liked it.”

Steve frowned at the odd tone in Danny’s voice. “Did you like it?” he asked, still staring stubbornly out of the window.

“I would have enjoyed it a lot more if you'd been there,” Danny said.

Steve turned, finally, searching Danny’s face carefully for sarcasm or humour. There was none; just a look of uncertainty. “Danny, it was a Valentine’s date. Three people are not the acceptable number on that date. Girls tend to not like guys taking a friend.”

Danny shrugged his shoulders, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips. “No, you schmuck, not with Gabby, just you.”

“What? What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I thought you wanted casual.”

“I thought you wanted casual. I thought you wanted Gabby.”

“I only wanted Gabby because I thought you wanted Cath.” Danny responded with a shrug.

“Cath and I are just friends now. Any benefits have been withdrawn.”

“There are benefits to being your friend?” Danny quirked an eyebrow, and smiled. “Aside from being shot of course.”

“That would depend on what you would consider benefits.” 

Steve waited for Danny's answer, his spine ramrod-straight, each second feeling like an hour. 

“Listen, you’re exhausted. I’ll go.” Danny responded quietly.

Fuck. Steve felt his shoulder slump in disappointment. _So this is how it's going to finish,_ he thought. _Both of us still too gutless to do what we really should be doing._

Danny was right about one thing -- he was tired. He was tired of pretending; tired of trying to balance Cath and Danny; tired of looking over his shoulder all the time in case Wo Fat was there. He was tired of trying to run Five-O with the governor's lapdog running after him, setting everyone on edge with her snide comments and pathetically blatant attempts to catch his attention. As if he'd want any other blonde when he had Danny -- if he had Danny. 

“Is that all I’m worth?” Steve responded, so quietly Danny barely heard him.

“What? No.” Danny stepped closer. “What is your problem?”

Steve spun on him, so quickly he tilted a little before he righted himself and jabbed a finger at Danny’s chest. The pair of them might have been playing the bi-card lately, but Steve knew exactly what he wanted and what he needed. Danny might be trying to discard him like a used toy, but he wouldn't let Danny get away with it. Letting go of what he really wanted wasn’t in his nature and he wasn’t going to start now.

“What’s wrong with me?” he hissed, leaning forward, his finger jabbing at Danny. “Maybe you should consider what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing wrong with me, SuperSEAL.” Danny growled back at him, his own fingers wrapping around Steve’s.

“I came home to confess my undying love to you, and you just want to fucking waltz out of here and leave me." A thought struck him - an ugly, suspicious thought. "Are you ashamed of me?”

“What? No!” Danny’s eyes widened in surprise. “Where the fuck did that come from? How could you even think that?”

“Let’s see, Danny.” Steve pulled his fingers free and started listing reasons. “You didn’t want to tell Chin or Kono; we never even really date -- that’s what your _girlfriend_ is for -- and all we really seem to do as a couple is fuck.”

“Don’t pull the homophobe card on me, you asshole,” Danny growled, pressing his hand against Steve’s chest. “What the fuck was Catherine if not your beard?”

“She knew how I felt about you even before our first time. I bet Gabby doesn’t know I’m your dirty little secret.”

Danny turned and stalked across the room. He ran his shaking fingers through his hair and inhaled raggedly before he turned and faced Steve again. His expression was guarded and his voice had a careful tone in it “I don’t think this is the right time to do this, Steven. You’re tired. I’m tired. I’ve missed you. I didn’t want today to be like this. I’m going to go home, I want you to get some sleep and in the morning we’ll talk about this.”

“I want you to stay.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Why not? You think I’m going seduce you to change your mind?” Steve snapped.

“No, quite the opposite in fact.” Danny came back to him and pressed both hands on Steve’s chest. “We’re tired. If we keep this up, we’re going to say things we don’t mean, and I don’t want that to happen. This is a big thing, Steven. I’m pretty sure you just confessed your undying love for me and you still don’t realise that you said that.”

Steve flushed. “Danny," he said, only to have Danny press his fingers to Steve’s lips.

“No. I’m still talking. We are going to do this properly, when we’re both rested, and after you've eaten. Do you think I don’t see you wasting away with all the stress you’re trying to bear on your own? I’m not staying tonight, because if I do we’ll end up having sex and that is neither restful or nourishing.”

Steve tried to speak, but Danny pressed more firmly.

“I’m not leaving you, Steve, I’m just going home. There’s a difference.” He lifted his hand away and stepped back with a smile. “Now you may speak.”

“Please, Danny, just stay.” Steve asked earnestly. “Sleep down here on the sofa if you want. I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Fine.” Danny conceded. “I give up. I’ll stay, but I’m sleeping on the sofa, OK? Go on up before you fall down. I’ll lock up.”

“Just like that?” Steve’s eyebrow’s lifted. “All this bitching and all of a sudden it’s 'okay, I’ll stay'?”

“I can still leave if you like.”

“No. Stay.” Steve responded immediately.

“So go.” Danny made shooing gestures with his hands. “You need sleep.”

Steve grinned as he walked up the stairs, stripping off his BDU shirt as he walked. 

He stopped dead in his tracks as he entered his bedroom. The room was immaculately cleaned. He could smell the fresh sun-dried scent of the bed sheets from where he stood. Pillows were fluffed and piled against the headboard, and the covers had been folded back in welcome. After pulling off his tee-shirt and pants, he sank down onto the bed. He almost gave in to the pull to flop back and sleep where he lay, but something out of place on the nightstand caught his eye: a stem vase -- one of his mother's favourites -- holding a velvety, dark-red rose. Beside it was an envelope, bearing his name in Danny’s scratchy hand. He opened it and pulled out the contents -- the UH season tickets and a letter.

_Steve,_

_I know you gave these to me, but it wouldn’t seem right to go without you. We’re like UH, a good team. Maybe we should make this more permanent._

_Yours_

_Danny_

Steve figured he must be exhausted because he couldn’t help the tears that welled in his eyes at the sentiment.

“Too much?” Danny’s soft voice sounded from the doorway.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” 

“Because I wanted it to be a surprise.” Danny shrugged as he stepped into the room. “And, like I said, we’re both tired and it wasn’t the time to do that. It still isn’t. I’ll see you in the morning.” He turned to walk out of the room.

“Don’t.” Steve almost pleaded.

“It’s not a good idea." Danny turned in the doorway.

“Look, I'm tired, yes, but I’ve come almost eight thousand miles to tell you I love you and bare my soul to you, so will you please just let me _sleep_ with you here?”

“Steven, you know what happens when we sleep together.”

“Daniel, I just want to sleep with you, not fuck you. Is that too much to ask?” He hoped he didn't sound as pathetic as he felt.

Danny sighed and walked back into the room. “So you don’t want to have sex with me?” he asked. He caught Steve’s chin in his hand and kissed him chastely.

“No. I don’t want to have sex with you.” Steve lifted his face to peck kisses across Danny’s cheek. “But I would like to make love with you tomorrow. Tonight I couldn’t get it up with a crane.”

“Smooth.” Danny chuckled, framing Steve’s face and turning his face to his, his lips finding Steve’s. “You make a very good point though.” He dropped gently to his knees in front of Steve and kissed a slow path down his neck and across his taut belly. 

“What did I just tell you?” Steve mumbled.

“I heard you.” Danny nodded and stood up.

“After all that you’re leaving?” Steve frowned.

“No, you schmuck,” Danny rolled his eyes, "I just don't sleep in my clothes." He quickly undressed and slipped into the bed. Grinning, he made a big production of settling into the pillows before he opened his arms to his lover.

Steve took the not-so-subtle hint and slipped under the covers too. He was so tired that he was almost asleep before he settled into the warm, solid embrace. A soft murmur of "Welcome Home" and the press of Danny’s lips against the top of his head were the last things he remembered before sleep claimed him.


End file.
